To all my fellow baby loss parents, know you are not alone. I am so incredibly grateful that you are here and am holding you and your babies in my heart.
I look forward to connecting with you and helping you keep your baby’s memory alive.
I am an author and raise awareness on baby loss. I have the most supportive husband, and together we’ve created our two beautiful little girls. Our youngest is earthside (Mavryk), while we carry our oldest in our hearts (Kailani Mary).
My life, like so many others, has been a series of ups and downs, with a ton of transformation. I am talking physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. The person I am today, is significantly different from the person I was at the beginning of 2020.
In July 2020, my first daughter was born. Twenty minutes following her birth, she died in my arms. My life completely changed in that moment and the person I was died with her. Her death is something I carry with me daily and it is also the reason that I am so incredibly passionate about pregnancy and infant loss.
In 2014, I graduated from the University of Victoria with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. From the beginning, I always knew that helping people was what I was meant to do. However, throughout my nursing career, I had always felt a little bit lost and was eager to find my place as a nurse.
I was determined to find the nursing speciality I was meant to be in and spent a significant amount of time and resources into obtaining speciality certifications, diplomas and even a Master’s degree.
Within my first five years, I went from frontline nurse, to supervisor, to manager. All in pursuit of my life’s purpose and passion. I was keen and eager to find that something that fuelled my soul.
It wasn’t until 2020 when my daughter Kailani died that I was pushed to the breaking point and I knew that I needed to take my career in a different direction.
Through my own journey of grief, I discovered that there wasn’t adequate support or resources available to help parents in their experience of pregnancy and infant loss.
As a result, I began writing and decided that I would help bridge the gap by creating the resources and support that I was desperately seeking.
In sharing my story, it is my hope that others might feel less alone in their own experience of pregnancy or infant loss. Through speaking out about the realities faced as a grieving mother, I aim to teach others about and raise awareness on pregnancy and infant loss.
Stigma and taboo related to pregnancy and infant loss is plentiful. By creating awareness, facilitating discussions, and sharing about the realities faced, together we can change the culture that encompasses pregnancy and infant loss.
It wasn’t long after the death of my daughter that someone told me, “you can always have another.” As though my daughter was replaceable.
The way in which pregnancy and infant loss is approached within our societies is quite hurtful and dismissive. To be honest, this isn’t just specific to pregnancy and infant loss, though holds true to anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one.
Grief and grieving is not a topic people openly talk about, especially when it’s related to pregnancy and infant loss. The death of a baby is uncomfortable and many do not know how to talk about it or how to support one through the experience. As a result, people tend to avoid it or attempt to offer words of support that often do more harm than good.
“I don’t want to upset you.”
The reality is, for most parents, talking about our babies is not upsetting. As parents, we love to talk about our children, just as parents with living children talk about their kids. This is how we honour them and keep their memory alive.
Pregnancy loss rates are 1 in 4. This means that 25% of all pregnancies result in loss. More specifically, this speaks to the earlier pregnancy losses such as miscarriage.
According to the CDC, more than 20,000 babies are born still in the United States each year. This equates to about 1 in 175 births.
It is also estimated that about 1 in 2000 babies will died as a result of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), according to SIDS Calgary Society.
These numbers do not include or account for those pregnancies and baby deaths that are a result from termination for medical reasons (TFMR), medical conditions, loss of multiples, and other causes for the death of a baby.
Pregnancy and infant loss is prevalent within our society and its time we talk about it.
The death of my daughter changed me to my core. Her death is a heaviness I carry with me with every breath I take. There will never be a day that I don’t grieve her.
Talking about her and sharing her memory with all of you is what helps bring purpose and light to a very challenging experience.
Therefore, if you know of someone who has experienced pregnancy or infant loss, I invite you to be there for them. Provide them with an opportunity to share their story, if they so choose.
Learn about how you might be able to support them in their experience or pregnancy or infant loss. If you’re not sure where to start, be sure to grab your copy of Heavenly Seas as I share about ways friends, families and health professionals can help change the culture and stigma around pregnancy and infant loss.
Please be sure to connect with me on facebook and instagram!
To ensure all loss parents have access to and receive the support and resources required to aid them in their pregnancy and infant loss experience.
Devoting time to advancing my knowledge and education is vital to advancing toward my fullest potential. I am a true believer that with knowledge and education we can better serve ourselves and those around us.
The greatest gift we can give this world, is the gift of being our true selves. By being who we truly are, we are able to lead by example and inspire others to embrace their true colors and live a life that is most unique and beautiful.
We all want to be acknowledged and respected. Through compassion, gratitude, curiosity and appreciation, we can come to understand the thoughts, feelings, wishes, rights, transitions and experiences of others.
To spread awareness about baby loss while helping others to carry the weight of their grief.
To learn more about how we can work together, please connect with me directly via the contact page.
Let’s connect on social media:
Thank you for reading and I look forward to connecting.
Navigating life after the death of a baby feels impossible, though I want you to know that you are not alone. Together we remember and as our grief continues with us in life, we honour them.
Site by Jo to the Web Solutions
To my fellow loss parents:
You are not alone. Together we carry the pain of baby loss and keep their memory alive.